Daily Musings

6:40 pm • 5 January 2011 • 2 notes

“Hey… Hey, hey *insert Gamertag here*…

waltee:

… Go fuck yourself.”

This is my experience of Xbox LIVE at the moment.

12:17 am • 19 August 2010 • 1 note

10:08 pm • 8 July 2010 • 1 note

One of The Best Stories I Have Ever Read.

“My bootcamp wasn’t just for new recruits. Veteran units also came there for advanced mountainous training and a little break from the normal, often tiresome routines of the job. It is important to note that said bootcamp was situated on top of a mountain and right on the edge a sheer, almost completely vertical shelf.

One day me and my buddies, who were only in the army for a month and a half at that time, were chilling out during one of our rare, I guess you can call them “break periods”, basically times when our officers got tired of making up ridiculous shit for us to do and just let us relax for a while. We were sitting on the stairs of a little amphitheater that was used as our flag square, and was also, at the time, as a training floor for one of the units going through advanced training. They were doing basic stuff, charging, switching firing positions, that sort of thing. And one of the soldiers doing all that, a genuine, bonafide mouth-breathing monstrous hulk of a man if I ever saw one, had a grenade launcher attached to his rifle.

Now we’re watching these guys doing their stuff, and suddenly their officer fucking panics, orders them all to stand up and stop what they’re doing immediately. He goes to the neanderthal, and the following exchange takes place:

Officer: “Soldier, what in god’s name do you think you’re doing?!”
Retard: “Uuuh, sir?”
O: “Why in the hell is there a grenade in the launcher, man?!”
R: “I don’ know what yurr talkin’ ‘bout, sir” *lowers his rifle in confusion”
O: “DON’T POINT THAT THING AT ME YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH”
R: “uuuuugh”
O: “Soldier, you put that weapon on the floor right this instant!”
R: (suddenly upset) “But sir, there ain’t no grenade in that launcher!”
O: “I have given you an order son and you will obey it!”
R: “Sir, honestly, there ain’t no grenade in that launcher!”
O “I AM WARNING YO-“
R: “Look, I’ll prove it to ya!”

and at this point the dumbass takes the rifle,aims it above the officer’s head and fires the motherfucking grenade launcher. I can only assume he wanted to show the officer that the thing was indeed unloaded, but as it turns out, he was wrong. The grenade whooshes over the officer (who most probably crapped his pants), over the heads of me and my friends who are sitting there with our mouthes open, and over the ledge. A few seconds later, a faint BOOM is heard from below.

But the story does not end there. For you see, at the foot of the ledge was a peaceful pasture, where cows from a nearby organic farm grazed. One of said cows was unfortunate enough to stand close enough to where the grenade fell to get blown the fuck away.

After the boom, (and subsequent frantic mooing from the grasslands below) the officer quickly came back to his senses and took the rifle from the dumbfounded simpleton. The idiot was tried later that day and, as the rumor goes, was reassigned as a cook in the most remote base they could find for him. I don’t know what happened to the officer, but we never saw him again, even though his unit stayed in the base for another month.

And that is how I saw a moron explode a cow.”